Thoughts about Anonymous Donation

I meant to write more about my second cycle tonight but felt I had to get something else off my chest first. Last night I dreamed that my parents announced to me, as an adult, that I had been conceived with the help of a gamete donor (it wasn't clear whether the egg or sperm was donated). Then it turned out that there was no way to track down or identify my donor. Speechless, I sensed a wave of existential nausea rise in my body, along with the slow realization that I had been cheated out of something really essential. Then I woke up, surprised by the dream and the depth of the nauseated feeling, which eerily persisted even after I got up to take a shower.

I find myself wondering whether I still really want to cycle with intended parents who are not clearly in the "tell" camp. For a long time, I did not seriously consider doing an open cycle, or even a semi-anonymous one, but I have been thinking lately about whether it's right on the part of intended parents and donor (often via a legal agreement) to deprive donor-conceived offspring of the option to explore their genetic relations. The more I think about it, the more I wonder to what extent it is ethical for two parties to enter into a legal agreement that deprives a third party, who is not a party to the contract, of knowing their genetic history / ancestry. I would not want this done to me and my dream rather forcefully hit this home.

Anonymity used to be one of the most important things for me when I first started to think about donating my eggs, but I really sense my feelings shifting on the subject lately. I am curious to hear how other people feel about this subject.

You sold our grandchild...?

I first came across an egg donor ad in my school's campus paper several years back, as an undergraduate. The ad read, "Loving childless couple seeking Ivy League-educated egg donor. Compensation $15,000." Or maybe it was $25,000. Some physical criteria were listed, a minimum SAT score perhaps. I remember being vaguely intrigued but mostly creeped out, thinking, who would do this? How could you go through life knowing that you have genetically related offspring out there? Beyond that, I was convinced that my otherwise liberal parents would disown me....for selling their grandchildren....as they would surely see this. I tossed the ad and thought nothing more of it.

Not in a million years did I think that I would indeed donate my eggs - not once, but several times - and that it would become a major, adventurous, and mostly happy part of my life. On some days, I am still surprised that I am doing this.